Honour-based violence

Your family or community may say you have brought ‘shame’ on them because:

• you are in a relationship with someone from a different religion/culture
• you do not want to marry someone your family wants you to, or you refuse a forced marriage (when someone is made to get married even though they don’t want to)
• they do not agree with the clothes you wear and the way you dress
• you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

However, all young people are individual, and just because you don't look or act like they want you to, doesn't mean they can force you to change.

Crimes of ‘honour’ do not always include violence. Crimes committed in the name of ‘honour’ might include: 

• domestic violence – when someone hurts or bullies their boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, husband, wife or family member
• threats of violence
• forced marriage
• being held against your will or taken somewhere you don’t want to go (this could include out of the country)
• assault – when someone physically hurts you or threatens to physically hurt you
• sexual abuse – making you do sexual things you don’t want to including sex crimes such as sexual assault and rape 
• psychological abuse – such as being made to feel guilty, embarrassed or ashamed.

HBV can make you feel worried, sad or angry, and it may feel like you’re trying to deal with this all on your own. However, lots of children and young people find that if they talk to someone it can help. Some things you can do:

• Tell an adult you trust – this could be a teacher, a family member, your youth worker, social worker or support worker. Think about talking to someone who is outside of the situation, who can advise you independently. It can be difficult to know how to have this conversation – we have some tips on asking for help.
• Any form of violence and force is a crime, so think about reporting it to the police. If you're at immediate risk of getting hurt, call 999. 
• With a safe adult, you could develop a safety plan that would help you choose how best to keep yourself safe.
• Talk to your friends. A good friend will listen to you and may help you speak to an adult. 

If you are worried about a friend, we have some tips on how you can start the conversation and get them the right help.

I’m a boy, can HBV affect me as well?

Although HBV is more commonly experienced by girls, it can happen to boys too. It often happens for the same reasons as girls. Boys may find it more difficult to talk about this, but it is just as serious and you should seek help.

If I report HBV, will it make it worse?

HBV isn’t right and isn’t legal. Victims are often too scared, shocked or worried about upsetting their family or community to speak out. For your own personal safety and that of the wider community, you should think seriously about reporting any incidents to the police, to prevent further crimes against you or others.

Have I brought shame on my family?

HBV is driven by a mistaken desire to protect the cultural or traditional beliefs of a family or community. No religion says that HBV is okay. It is never okay for somebody to upset, abuse, threaten or hurt you.

Victim Support/You & Co – you can contact your nearest Victim Support office, call the 24/7 Supportline, contact us via live chat, or if you are 16 or older, you can create a My Support Space account. This is a free, safe and secure online space where you can work through interactive guides to help you move forward after crime.

Southhall Black Sisters – highlights and challenges violence against black (Asian and African-Caribbean) women. They offer a range of services. 

IKWRO – a charity providing advice and support in Arabic, Kurdish, Turkish, Dari and Farsi to women, girls and couples living in Britain, in particular helping women facing domestic violence, forced marriage and honour-based violence. 

The Albert Kennedy Trust – its mission is to ensure that all lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans young people are able to live in accepting, supportive and caring homes. It provides a range of services to people who would otherwise be homeless or living in a hostile environment.  

Karma Nirvana – provides support and advice on protecting yourself if you are experiencing forced marriage or honour-based violence: 0800 599 9247 

Childline – offer 24-hour support for young people on a range of issues: 0800 1111

The Mix – information; and support for under 25s on a whole range of issues, including rape and sexual assault as well as safe sexual relationships. Get confidential help by email, text, webchat or phone: 0808 808 4994.